


Bathtime For Gamzee

by TurntechHonkhead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark Web, Death, Drug Use, Emotional Abuse, Gen, Humanstuck, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I am so sorry, Mental Abuse, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room, Sexual Abuse, Slime pies are meds, Snuff, Some OOC, Triggers, deep web, google the deep web if you don’t know, some fucked up shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:13:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurntechHonkhead/pseuds/TurntechHonkhead
Summary: Every year, Karkat Vantas and his brother attend the famous "Dark Circus" with their father. This year, when Kankri can't make it home in time, Karkat takes his roommate and close friend, Dave. While they attend the circus everything is fine and fun until a terrible accident leaves Karkat shaken for a while. The only thing that breaks him from it, is another accident amongst the circus folks. When he feels something is really wrong with the circus being run he convinces the youngest of the circus' famous trio of clowns, Gamzee, to hide out with him at his dorm room for a while to take a break. Gamzee agrees and everything is going just fine, even if their new clown friend is a bit.. strange. After one rough morning though, Karkat realized whatever the circus was putting Gamzee through was more than he had bargained for. With determination and stubbornness, Karkat vows to bring Gamzee justice, even if it means putting himself and everyone he knows into harms way of some truly evil people on the infamous deep web. (Sorry this is rly long)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started to write this and things got really dark really fast.. things get worse as the story progresses- I thought I'd make a story involving one of my biggest fears and that's the Deep Web (google it if you don't know.)

He ran his fingers through his mess of black bedhead, trying to fix it the best he could to look like he didn't stay up all night before going to class. Though if his hair didn't give it away, the dark circles under his eyes sure did. Karkat stared into the mirror and groaned as he brushed his teeth, deep in thought about how in a few days his father was dragging him to the yearly ‘Dark Circus’. It's become something of a Vantas family tradition. Unfortunately this year, his brother had forgot about it and mixed up the dates, meaning he didn't have a way to get home from school across the goddamn country. Meaning that he was going to take Karkat on his own.  
It wasn't just the fact that he was in college and this tradition was getting dumb, but the fact that he actually liked going when Kankri was with them. Without his brother he’d feel like a total ass there alone..   
Eventually Karkat finished getting ready, finalizing it by pulling his black sweater over his head, the same one he wore literally every day.   
“Hey dude..” His roommate greeted from the kitchen table as he typed on his laptop and scooped cereal mindlessly into his face.   
Karkat only responded with a tired and annoyed groan.   
“Didn't sleep?”  
Another groan as he poured a cup of coffee and started dumping sugar into it.  
“You good? You seem extra ‘crabby’-”  
“Shuttup, Dave-”  
“Dude, what's up?”  
“It's nothing… Just a rough night I guess-” he huffed and sat at the table, messing with his phone. Dave learned that when Karkat was like this, it's best to let him breathe a bit before pestering him further.  
Karkat sat silently, drinking his coffee and texting whoever. Dave worked just as quietly, noting that the insomniac was most likely talking with his brother, seeing as that was who was the best at helping him out when he was stressed or whatever.  
“How could you forget the stupid circus trip?”  
“I'm really sorry, Karkat. It's not like I intended to-”  
“Whatever. Dad probably won't let me back out of this trip and there's no way in hell I wanna go alone. I'll look like a total fucking loser on my own.”  
“He still has an extra ticket- take your roommate-”  
“Why the fuck would Dave wanna come to the circus?”  
“I don't know.. But it won't hurt to ask- you won't have to go alone.”  
Karkat looked up from his phone and stared at Dave silently for a moment. Eventually the blond glance up and looked at Karkat.   
“What, dude?”  
“You know that circus that's in town?”  
“Yeah, saw it on tv.”  
“You wanna go to it with me?” Karkat half mumbled, Dave simply raising an eyebrow. The blond stopped what he was doing for a moment and stared with Karkat as the cancer didn't back down.  
“Are you inviting me on a date to the circus?”  
“Of course not, fuckass! I just wanted to know if you'd even go to the damn thing-”  
“Didn't take you as the type to like the circus.”  
“I don't- well- I mean- I outgrew it.” He tripped over his words trying to explain, Karkat groaning before starting from the top. “Every year since we were kids, when that dumb ‘Dark Circus’ came to town, my dad would take me and Kankri to it.. But Kankri can't go this time and well.. We have an extra ticket and I don't wanna be seen, 19 years old and alone at the circus with my dad.”  
“Hm..” Dave hummed as he simply took another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and waited to see if Karkat would continue talking. “So.. Not a date?”   
“Ugh-! Why are you literally the worst goddamn person I know?”  
“Is that any way to talk to your circus-date?”  
“It's not-!” Karkat stopped and looked at the smug grin Dave wore all too familiarly. “Wait.. You'll seriously come?”  
“Sure- why not?” He grinned. “To be completely honest, growing up I wanted to go see that ‘Dark Circus’ thing, but my bro never had the time or money..” Dave stood up and took his empty bowl to the sink, listening to Karkat’s still surprised silence that he had actually agreed to join him. “When’re we going?”  
“Wha- oh-” The insomniac snapped out of his daze. “This Friday.”  
“Perfect- My gig isn't til Saturday.” Dave grinned and pulled down his sunglasses from the top of his head, covering his albino-red eyes. It seemed like visually, their red eyes were the only thing Dave and Karkat had in common.  
“Great- We can meet my dad there-” Karkat stood up and pulled his bag onto his shoulder, bouncing slightly on his heels as he waited for Dave so they could walk to class. He was pretty excited for the trip now. As much as he would never admit it, Karkat actually liked hanging out with Dave. As different as they were, Dave being tall, chill, and all around ‘cool’, and Karkat being short, loud, and constantly stressed out. But the two did find common ground for the facts they both liked music, talking shit, and- well- fucking, to put it bluntly. They weren't exactly dating as much as they were ‘friends with benefits’ as Dave explained it. (Karkat putting it much more vulgar as ‘fuck buddies’). But both worked just fine to explain ‘a couple of friends who fuck, but will always have each other's backs..’  
‘Best fuck friends’.

The rest of the week went on as usual- Classes, homework, fucking around (in any sense of the phrase), and finally the day arrived. The two got back from classes and showered, Dave insisting that Karkat wear something other than the sweater he wore all week. The crab argued but lost, wearing something else for once. The two went downstairs Karkat silently trailing behind his ever-popular roommate, his hands in his hoodie pockets. He followed like a duckling to the blond, ignoring all the attention Dave got from his many friends and fans. It wasn't even as much that Dave was more sociable, even though he definitely was, but more the fact that the blond DJ’d every big party on campus and ‘D-Strides’ was well known.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a day at the circus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one is probably way longer than the last one. I got impatient.

One long car ride later, listening to Dave’s music, Karkat staring out the window and occasionally looking at his phone, they neared the big striped tent. Spotlights shot off in all directions, rolling back and forth along the cloudy night sky. Dave eventually managed to park the car through the huge crowd and sat back, looking over to Karkat who silently typed away on his phone.  
“What's your brother saying?”  
“How do you know I'm talking to him?”  
“Because he's the only one you text other than me.” Dave smirked, his pale freckled cheeks appearing clearly in the dark car.  
“Tch..” He puffed out his cheeks annoyed and just looked at his phone, unable to stare for too long at Dave’s stupid, cute face. “He's telling me to take photos of the circus tonight.. Tell him what he missed..” Karkat trailed off again and dropped his arm onto the center console, running his fingers through his hair with his free hand.   
“Well- Show him what he’s missing, right?” Dave tried getting the little crab to relax and have fun for once. He dropped his sunglasses onto his face again and took Karkat’s phone before he could argue.   
“Hey-”  
“Shuttup and smile.” He held out the phone and pushed closer to Karkat, smiling and snapping a picture of them to send Kankri. Cause Dave sure as hell knew the insomniac wouldn't do it himself. “Cmon-” The blond gave Karkat back his phone and got out of the car, leaving him to stare down at the photo of them, Dave smiling coolly and Karkat being caught totally off guard. But it didn't matter since the fuckass had already sent it to Kankri..  
‘Lighten up and have some fun, dork.’  
Karkat shook his head and silently smiled a bit in the dark before following Dave out into the cool night air. The whole place smelled like sugar and popcorn, and it was a mixture of sweet and sickening. But it kinda reminded him of every year at the circus with his family.   
When they were little it was always the same. The brothers held hands as they wandered after their father into the huge tent. The loud music eventually getting to the younger Vantas boy and causing him to get overwhelmed all at once- leaving Kankri to carry him on his back until the little crab got used to it all over again. They always got cotton candy, Kankri picked blue and Karkat picked pink, they always peeked through each hole in the tent they passed to try and find something interesting- It was usually uneventful except for the one time they spotted the clowns practicing their juggling before the show. Everything that hit Karkat at once just made his stomach sick and made him miss Kankri and wish he wasn't such a fuckass and forgot.. This stupid shit was tradition, for fuck’s sake. Karkat just hoped it'd be just as fun with Dave instead.. It won't be the same, but it's better than nothing..

“‘Pupa Pan’, ‘Makara Bros.’?” Dave read posters out loud as they passed by, the boys already meeting up with Karkat’s father.  
“They're the top acts in the show.. The most popular and the longest running.. Those clowns have been around since I was a kid- But something with them.. Made me feel wrong..”  
“They're clowns- clowns are freaky.” Dave explained, eyeing more posters on their way into the seating area. “I'm guessing ‘Dark Circus’ goes with a theme of demons or something?” He observed each act and their common theme of horns and fake fangs.  
“Well technically trolls- but yeah.. Apparently it sells.” Karkat noted as he side-stepped directly into Dave to avoid a few kids that ran freely, plastic horns on top of their heads.  
“So I see-” The blond set a hand on Karkat’s shoulder, walking forward as they finally got in to be seated. “Not gonna lie, these clowns are creeping me out..” He gestured with his head towards another poster with the ‘Makara Bros’, in full make-up, horns, fangs and all, and how they stared straight through you. The biggest one seemed to be the ‘bad guy’ of their act- extra scary make-up, sinister grin, and how he sorta loomed over the smaller two. One was a skeleton, his tongue hanging out of his cheery smiled, and the other looked more like a party clown with a dumb hat and a horn in his hand.   
“They aren't so bad.. But damn did they get old-”  
“Old?” Dave raised an eyebrow, the biggest one not even seeming far over 25.   
“Yeah.. Makara’s are the same clowns that were here the first time I started coming… I'm sure this one is my age at least..” Karkat pointed towards the party clown.   
“Jeez- That's too damn long to keep kids as nightmare fuel..” Dave hummed as he took some popcorn and popped it into his mouth, Karkat doing the same and shrugging as he chewed.   
“I told you, man- Something about those clowns make me feel weird..”  
The three made it to their seats and waited as the bleachers filled around them and the tent reached its full capacity.

Music began to play and the lights grew dim, the audience applauding in excitement at the beginning of the show. The spotlight shone in a far corner of the tent to a curtain. There was a drumroll and a heavy feeling of anticipation as they all waited. Suddenly out rolled a huge red ball, a man in a green suit walking on top of it with eerie ease as if it were nothing. He wore his top hat low to hide his face and held out his cane.   
“And now-!” The man’s voice boomed throughout the tent, a grin spreading across his painted face as he looked around the stadium-like seating. He steps off the ball and onto a platform in the center of the tent, the huge ball banking off it and rolling away. “The greatest trolls the world has ever seen!” He held out his arms and pulled off his hat. “Welcome to the Dark Circus..” His voice dropped chillingly low as he spoke closer to his microphone. With the final words of the ringleader, several acts flooded out to initiate the opening of the show. Performers paraded around the ring, everyone applauding and pointing at all the interesting and strange things they saw before them.   
The show finally began with its loud and kinda eerie circus music, accompanying every act as it played out.   
Up first was a lion tamer. It was different though. Instead of big man with a whip or a woman in some sexy get-up, it was a girl. She was probably around her late teens but she was still so short and sweet looking, her fake horns on her blue fedora seeming like cat ears, and she had a little nose and whiskers painted on her smiling face. “Good evening-!” She held out her arms as her voice excitedly squeaked out, the long sleeves on her green robe flopping over her hands and the back running over the ground as she walked around a big lion perched atop a pedestal. “My name is Nepeta, and this big ferocious kitty here is my friend, Ponce De Leon!” She growled out part to make him seem like a beast, simulating claws with her fingers and exposing her fake fangs. And to be completely honest, it was scary to see her beside the lion. He was just as big as she was! “I'm just kidding- He’s a big fluffy baby.” Nepeta fluffed part of his mane to pet him as if he were just a dog. He growled and sat up on his hind legs, roaring loudly into the air. “Shh- Inside voices-” The girl purred out sweetly, the lion taking the same stance but letting out a quieter roar. “That's a good boy!”   
Nepeta’s act continued with her doing simple tricks with the lion, having him hop around and shake hands with her like he was just a dog. Eventually, she turned her back to him, holding out her arms as she accepted the final applause, the beast suddenly biting at the back of her long robe, yanking her back slightly and causing the audience to shout and gasp in shock and fear. Nepeta smoothly slipped from her robe and tossed it over the lion’s head. “Ponce De Leon, it's time to end the act- Not peek-a-boo kitty time-” She put her hands on her hips, the big feline letting out a small grumble as if disappointed. “Fine-” Nepeta hummed and pulled the robe off his face, getting face to face with him. “Peek-a-boo-!” The girl giggled, the lion pressing it’s wet nose to her face and causing her to smile and put an arm around his neck in an embrace, putting up her opposite arm to really finalize her act, applause filling the room as she lead her lion backstage by the robe still in his mouth.  
“I thought she was cat food-” Dave commented as he coolly leaned back in his seat, his arm on the back of his seat and against the cancer, Karkat grinning a bit and chuckling silently.   
The next acts were just as interesting as the first. First was a boy dressed strangely similar to Peter Pan, though introduced himself as ‘Pupa Pan’. He wore bull horns and began to climb a long ladder up to a platform to the tightrope. He didn't have anything to keep himself balance, though his horns were debatable on that. All he had was a safety net below him. Everyone was on the edge of their seat as the boy took an experimental step onto the rope. Tavros took another step onto it, holding out his arms to either side as he kept his balance very well, gracefully walking along the wire as everyone watched in awe, a strong fear still in their stomachs with every step Pupa Pan made. He occasionally would stop and gracefully stand on just one foot, his arms out to either side and his leg straight back like a dancer. He continued to walk, never losing his balance even a little. When he made it to the other side everyone let out the breath they held in and applauded the boy as he bowed and waved to everyone else. Karkat let out a relieved breath he didn't know he was holding and glanced over to Dave, noticing he was doing just the same. When the blond noticed Karkat staring he just cleared his throat and looked forward again to keep his cool facade.  
After Pupa Pan were a couple women. One act was of a lady who introduced herself as “Black Widow Vriska”. She walked around and showed off her little spiders as they crawled all over her- Through her hair, along her arms, and she even managed to have a few string down from her fingertips on webs, another she let crawl across her face and right over her tongue as she held it out of her blue lips. It was so cool to watch but it still made the boys itch and shiver in their seats. Karkat ruffled his own hair as he watched her, feeling as if there were bugs in there. Dave on the other hand just stared vacantly at Vriska, hugging his arms and rubbing them up and down, feeling as if they were crawling all over him too. When Vriska left, out came a woman with a big toothy grin and a red blindfold over her eyes. She exclaimed how she was “Terezi, The Blind Straight-Shot”, and how she had perfect aim when it came to throwing darts and daggers. She started easy with hitting some targets with big metal darts, getting bullseye in every one. It was impressive even if she wasn't blind- But being that she was, the next part was only more nerve wracking.. Out came a big wooden wheel and on the wheel, strapped to it with his arms out and legs spread was one of the clowns. He looked pretty relaxed up there too. Terezi introduced her volunteer as “Gamzee” and informed the crowd that all her daggers were indeed real, enunciating so by slicing an apple in two. Everyone was once again on the edge of their seats as her assistant began to spin on the wheel, Terezi launching daggers his way and nailing each into the wooden board, not too far from Gamzee’s body. Karkat would flinch every time the sound of the knife sticking into the wood would echo through the tent. Once she was out of knives, Terezi turned and bowed, everyone applauding as another clown that resembled a skeleton came out and unhooked Gamzee from the wheel, the clown hopping down and stumbling a bit exaggerated from being dizzy. Terezi returned to the back and took her wheel with her, leaving the next act already out. Well mostly…  
Gamzee and the new clown stood as they straightened out his clothes and mess of curly black hair around his horns and eventually adding a dumb looking purple party hat. The skeleton clown smiled and handed Gamzee a horn, the two communicating for just a second by only honking the horns. The two rushed towards the center stage and hopped onto it, the ringleader’s voice coming from the speakers, introducing the circus’ most famous and longest running act, “The Makara Brothers.” He introduced Gamzee, who signified himself by holding up his horn and honking, then Kurloz who did just the same. Finally they introduced a final clown only called “G”, the two looking around for him as if they were afraid he’d show up. The clowns locked arms and began tiptoeing around, looking all around and not noticing as a bigger clown stepped out from somewhere and began following them. Of course all the children shouted that G was behind them but they didn't listen. Suddenly they stopped walking and got ‘startled’ when G honked a horn right behind them, causing the two to jump and stumble. Kurloz took cover under the center stage, leaving the lower half of his body poking out to still be seen. Gamzee on the other hand curled on the floor on his knees with his head to the ground, his hands on his head as if it hid him flawlessly. G walked around and spoke into a headset, his spooky deep voice being heard clearly over the speakers.  
“Which one of you puny humans would like to volunteer to be my bait?” He looked around the crowd, people left and right raising their hands, kids shouting at him to pick them.  
“Right here!” Dave shouted with a smirk as he held Karkat’s hand straight in the air.  
“What?! Let go of me, you fuckass!” Karkat shouted and fought to get his arm back with no luck.  
“You there.” G pointed towards the crab.  
“Fuck-” he grumbled to Dave and yanked his arm back down, the blond laughing a bit. Karkat shook his head and looked at G.  
“No no… You beside him- Selling out your friend-” he chuckled as he insisted Dave come down.  
“Shit-”  
“Hah!” Karkat laughed as Dave grumbled and took his headphones from around his neck, leaving them on the seat as he went down the stairs.  
Once he made it to the ring, G lead him towards the center stage, hopping over Kurloz and sitting Dave in a wooden chair.   
“I wish to play a game-” he pressed together his hands, pulling a long line of colorful handkerchiefs from nowhere and beginning to tie them around Dave. “How’s that sound? Gamzee? Kurloz?” He hopped off the stage, grabbing one of Kurloz’s horns to pull him along and taking him towards Gamzee. “You like games, right?” He hummed, both clowns excitedly honking their horns and standing side by side. “You two will have a race. He walked back across the ring to Dave on the stage. “First one to save the human is the winner-” he yanked a tarp from over some boxes and exposing boxes that only said ‘TNT’ on the sides. “But better hurry-” he grinned and lit a match, lighting a very very long fuse that lead to the boxes surrounding Dave. The blond was less concerned about the fake TNT and just observed around him quietly- How bright the lights were, how huge G was up close, how loud the crowd was as they all would excitedly call for the clowns to hurry and how they would burst into laughter at the younger brothers ‘fighting’ along the way. They would yank each other to the floor, scramble around and try and slow the other down with every clowny method in the book, to the point where the crowd was split cheering between one or the other.  
Dave scouted back towards the crowd instead of watching the other two and managed to spot Karkat again, the crab snapping a picture of him with his phone and genuinely laughing at Dave more than the clowns. It was actually kinda cute- Not to mention nice to see the insomniac smile for once.   
Soon enough the other clowns made their way to the stage. They tumbled over each other, Kurloz getting the upper hand as he reached towards the stage and grabbed a pie, smacking it directly into the youngest clown’s face in an explosion of whipped cream. With Gamzee disoriented, the skeleton made his way onto the stage and untied Dave, honking his horn in the air as he received applause. G stepped out the spark on the fuse and announced Kurloz as the winner. Kurloz took Dave’s hand as he stood the teen up and had him bow too, honking his horn at the blond. Dave shrugged and bowed as well, watching in the corner of his eye as Gamzee eventually got up on the stage too, holding another pie. Gamzee reeled back and aimed for Kurloz but instead managed to smack it directly into Dave’s face instead. The crowd laughed as the blond pulled off the tin and wiped whipped cream from his eyes. He looked at Gamzee who just gave him a sorry and almost sleepy grin, then to the laughing crowd to relocate his roommate. When he did he kinda felt better about being pie’d when he spotted Karkat laughing so hard he was practically crying.   
The clowns all bowed and had Dave bow as well before the ring leader announced the intermission. As the crowd began to disperse quite a bit, Karkat’s father stepped out for some air and the crab himself made his way down the stairs towards the ring.  
“You good?” Dave turned to look where the voice came from and found G putting a hand on his shoulder and leading him towards the edge of the ring. His voice wasn't nearly as scary as during the act.  
“What? Oh- Yeah I'm cool-” he wiped more cream from his face as he got lead along. Kurloz pointed to his wrist like a watch as he looked to Gamzee, the younger clown running a hand through his hair and nodding before he walked in the opposite direction. Kurloz met at the edge with G and handed Dave a rag to clean his face with.  
“Oh my god-” Dave peeked from behind the towel and saw Karkat on the opposite side of the railing, tears in his eyes and his face was bright red.   
“I didn't even know you of all people could laugh so hard you cried.” Dave grinned as if he still had the upper hand- It was working even though he was covered in pie and surrounded by clowns.  
“Dude, my fucking stomach hurts from laughing-” Karkat held onto the railing as he was still catching his breath. “I just watched the ever-so-amazing Dave Strider get fucking nailed with a pie by a clown.”   
“Shuttup-” he huffed a bit but couldn't help and smile. Dave handed the dirty towel to Kurloz who just watched him, still bright eyed and smiling sweetly, G leaning on the railing.   
“Just a head’s up- I always go for the person selling out their friend..” G explained to them. The three of them talked about stupid stuff for a bit, Dave eventually hopping the rail to stand beside Karkat, Kurloz and G leaning side by side on the rail.   
Dave eventually glanced up at their surroundings and raised an eyebrow.   
“He gets two acts?” Dave stared up as he spotted Pupa Pan from earlier, climbing up the ladder again towards the platform for the tightrope.  
“Maybe.. I don't remember it..” Karkat shrugged as he mumbled back. He watched Tavros reach the top but it was.. Off.  
He stumbled a bit as he reached the top, holding onto the banister as he tried to keep balance on the high platform.  
“Something’s wrong..” Karkat mumbled, glancing at Dave. “Hey-” The cancer called towards G and Kurloz who were talking on their own- well G talking and Kurloz nodding and honking. “Your- guy- the Pupa Pan-” he pointed upwards a bit, causing the clowns to look back. “He doesn't look so good-” Karkat noting the wobbling in Tavros’ legs.   
Kurloz’s eyes widened a bit as he anxiously honked his horn as nothing would come out of his mouth, G standing up straight again and going to step closer to the high rise platforms.  
“Tavros!” He shouted up and waited for the other to look at him. “Don't move!” He hurried towards the ladder across the rings.   
“Noo way, man..! I'm Pup a PAn..” His words slurred together slightly as he wobbled towards an edge of the platform.  
“Tav-!” G shouted to try and keep the younger man in place.  
“But Geeee- I caN fLyyY!” He insisted as he took another step forward, his foot hanging from the platform. “And NOw! For thE firSt time in ThE Dark Circ us.. Pup-pa Pan- wilLl.. Fly!” Tavros held out his arms straight on either side of him, the shouting of G and the crowd seeming totally lost as he leaned forward little by little until his feet left the platform.   
The boy gracefully fell and rotated, fortunately not going head first. Though all of the screams in the tent were unfortunately followed closely by a hard thump, loud cracking, and the sound of Tavros gasping for air as he landed hard on his ass, his back smacking the dirt and knocking the wind from him. The whole tent went wild with panicked screams and kids crying as now Pupa Pan laid unmoving on the ground, blood slowly dripping from his nose and down the side of his face.  
There were mad shouts of people needing to call an ambulance, others pushing like crazy to leave. As everyone moved in the opposite direction of Tavros, the first one to his side was Kurloz, silently panicking and shivering as his hands trembled in the air over the others unmoving body, unsure what to even do. G was soon to follow as he quickly turned and went towards the backstage, running for help.  
Slowly as the tent emptied and sirens rang through the air, the circus performers gathering around Tavros in a blind panic.   
Karkat stared in frozen shock, his eyes stuck on the crowd of people in the ring and his mouth left open. Dave stared just the same but his instincts kicked in faster than Kar’s, pushing him along quick to get him away from the mess as fast as he could. Karkat blinked and looked forward eventually as he was pushed along, passing by the last circus member who didn't crowd the body. He stood towards a doorway and stared from a distance, the youngest clown seeming oddly both in a state of shock but also practically comatose in his eyes as they were half lidded, his white and grey make-up smudged from the act, the monochrome colors of the paint making a small green splotch of goo at the corner of his mouth that much more noticeable.  
And how it matched the goo that was on Tavros’ face when he jumped.   
“Kar..” Dave yanked him into the cold night air, the insomniac staring back at the tent still- “Karkat look at me-” Dave grabbed either side of the teen’s face and made him turn away and look at him finally. “Are you okay?”  
Karkat didn't respond immediately, his voice caught deep in his throat still.   
“Karkat?”  
“I.. Wanna go home..” He mumbled out, his voice trembling ever so slightly, Dave patting his shoulder before nodding, putting his arm around Karkat as he lead him back to the car, the cancer remaining silent the entire way to the car and the entire way home too…  
There was just something.. Off about it all.. Of course it was traumatic to watch someone plummet nearly two stories to the ground, but the whole sudden change in how Tavros acted was eerie- and Karkat was convinced that “Gamzee” was involved in some way..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's cut weird- I wrote it all in one document and it's like- 40 pages by now so I'm trying to figure out where to cut it into chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty long- whoops

Eventually the car stopped in front of the dorms, Karkat still blankly just staring at the ground, clearly shaken up.  
“Karkat..?” Dave called quietly and waited for some kind of acknowledgment from him, but received nothing. “Kar..?” He mumbled again, peeking over to the cancer’s phone, watching his fingers hover over the buttons as he couldn't think straight. It took him the long car ride home to try and answer his brother’s message with no luck, Kankri simply asking “How’s the show?”  
Dave stayed quiet and eventually took the phone, Karkat not really reacting. If anything it's what he needed, hugging onto his arms as he stared at the floor. The blond dialed Kankri and got out of the car, shutting the door and letting Karkat sit in silence for just a moment. He had no idea how long he sat there but the silence and the cold together were oddly chilling and comforting at the same time.   
Eventually his door opened, Dave holding it open for Karkat, waiting patiently as he sat still for another minute before he got out. Karkat hurried past Dave and went inside, going straight to the stairs.   
“Kar- wait-” The blond followed after him and eventually caught up only when they reached their room, Dave catching the door with his arm as he followed, Karkat seeming on autopilot. “Karkat.” Dave repeated only to have Karkat reply with the sound of his bedroom door shutting behind him. He sighed and ran his fingers through his blond hair as he gave in, letting the insomniac some time to breathe.  
Dave made his way to his own room, setting his headphones and his sunglasses down on the nightstand along with Karkat’s phone before he started to get changed. He was pretty shaken up too but he knew Karkat was a lot more.. Sensitive on the matter of mortality. Dave pulled off his shirt and flopped back onto the bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. Soon the blond nodded off and stayed that way for about an hour until he was awoken by the door slowly opening.   
Dave peeked open his eye to find Karkat, shutting the door behind him quietly wandering towards the bed. The blond watched as his roommate scouted his bedside table, searching for his phone. When he went to grab it Dave reached out and grabbed his hand, Karkat jumping.  
“Fuck-! Don't do that, you fuck.” He growled but sighed as he calmed down. Dave didn't respond as he just pulled the cancer closer. He pulled until Karkat gave in and got into the bed with him. They stayed silent until Dave hugged around the other boy, his chin laying in Karkat’s fluffy hair.   
“Are you okay?”  
“I'm fine..” Karkat mumbled stubbornly.  
“You sure? I know you usually don't handle stuff with death very well-”  
“I said I'm fine-” he insisted, Dave not responding anymore but just holding him closer.   
“Whatever you say, dude.. But I'm still here if you're not..” Dave explained quietly, rubbing Karkat’s back.  
The insomniac was quiet for a while but eventually mumbled into Dave’s bare chest.  
“Thanks, Dave..”

_*Crack*_  
He blinked at the sight of Tavros’ body as it now laid limp in the center stage, getting sick in his stomach at the sound of obvious bones cracking, Tavros gasping unconsciously for air as the fall knocked all the wind out of him.   
Parts of Gamzee’s brain argued over whether or not he should help, whether or not he should panic and shout- But it didn't matter what conclusion he came to because another part of his head kept his legs from moving as everything slowed down, the drugs kicking back in as he could feel the final bits of his ‘slime pie’ leak from the corner of his mouth.  
He thought it was his fault- No- Knew it was his fault.  
 _You know what’s in those stupid slime pies- Why the fuck would you offer some to Tavros?!_  
 _I-I forgot- I really did!_  
You moron-  
“Gamzee!” The clown snapped back to reality, looking around as he didn't even notice he’d been dragged backstage again, looking up at G’s face who held either of his youngest brother’s shoulders. “Gamzee, what happened?”   
“I-I..” Gamzee looked away for a moment, meeting Kurloz’s concerned face before glancing back to G.  
“Gamzee please- We aren't mad at you- We can't help you if we don't know what happened-”  
“The slime pie..” He mumbled. “I shared some with Tavros. I wasn't trying to hurt him-”  
“Gamzee, why would you-?” G started, only to stop talking when Kurloz put a hand on his shoulder, the two looking at the younger clown again.  
“I-I forgot- I wasn't thinkin’- I fuckin killed him cause- cause-” Gamzee started to choke on his words, unable to keep himself from crying. His whole body shook, even after G yanked the skinny clown in and hugged him, Kurloz patting him on his back to calm him down as the three were knelt on the floor.  
“H-help me.. I-I don't wanna get in trouble- I-I didn't mean to hurt him-”  
“Gamz..” Kurloz mumbled to try and quiet him down.  
“We aren't gonna let you get in trouble- We believe you.” G stood up again, not forcing the youngest too when Gamzee refused to leave his slumped position on the floor. They looked down at Gamzee as he stayed sitting on his knees, hunched over and letting out little sobs.   
“How’d you know it was me..?”  
The two were quiet, Kurloz pulling up the dirty rag that was still covered in whipped cream, holding the edge up that had a splotch of bright green slime on it.  
“Kurloz saw it when he went over to help Tav.. He wiped it up before anyone else saw it..” G explained, Gamzee looking up from his spot on the floor.  
“I'm sorry you two gotta keep cleanin’ up after me..” He looked down again.   
“We don't care.. You're our baby brother. We’ll do anything for you.”

“Dude-” Dave plopped down beside Karkat on the couch as he entered the building’s common room. Karkat was only down there because his roommate insisted he leave the room, being that he was locked away there for two days like a lump.  
Karkat didn't respond as he just looked over from his book, his eyes going towards the papers in Dave’s hand.  
“I got something to make you feel better..” He handed the paper over to the insomniac, his red eyes scanning silently over the article. “That kid from the circus, he’s alive.” Dave insisted. “He's in the hospital and he's pretty hurt, but at least he didn't die..” The blond read Karkat’s emotions, telling the news had set him more at ease.   
“See? Everything’s fine, man-” Dave smiled a bit and put an arm around the crab, blinking and lifting his sunglasses when another paper was dropped in their lap.   
“I wouldn't be so sure of that..” Another guy leaned on the back of the couch, pushing up his glasses before pushing a few strands of purple hair from his forehead as he stuttered out.  
“Nosy much?” The blond teased as he looked back at Eridan, Karkat already reading over the new paper too before Dave peeked over and tried to follow.  
“I just happened to overhear. I unfortunately learned this this morning.” Eridan explained, watching Karkat blink in shock. He read the title of the article.  
“A Bad Day At The Circus”  
“What's this story from?”  
“For my journalism assignment we had to choose from a hat something to research around town.. I got stuck with that ‘Dark Circus’ thing..”  
“So you-?”  
“Found this out a few hours ago when I went there to ask about the incident the other night. While I was there, the performers were practicing and I watched as one of the clowns just.. Passed out-”  
“You're sure about this, Eridan?” Dave leaned back on the couch and turned to look at the other’s freckled face.  
“Positive.. All the signs pointed to some sort of overdose.. I can't do much of anything with this paper though.. I'm not even entirely sure what caused it. But I just know it's probably linked with the accident.” He took back the paper and looked at Karkat who seemed in less of a state of shock than he was earlier, but shocked nonetheless.   
“Karkat..? You okay..?” Dave eyes him over, the cancer narrowing his eyes now and looking at the blond.   
“Something’s wrong there…” Karkat stared at him with a look of almost.. Frustration. “How the fuck do you almost lose two of your performers within 3 days?”  
“What do you suggest happens then?” Dave looked at his roommate up and down. He got a strange look of determination in his eye.  
“I have to talk to one of them-”  
“W-what do you think I've been doing?” Eridan crossed his arms.  
“Who did you see?”  
“I talked with the ring leader-”  
“See?” Karkat cut him off before standing up and looking between the two freckled teens. “The only person they let you talk with is the person who won't tell you that there's something bad going on.” Karkat looked to the Aquarius. “What hospital did they take that clown kid to?”   
“What the hell are you planning?” Dave crossed his arms.  
“I have to talk to that kid- If something is going on, he would probably be the one to admit it!”  
“Karkat-” The blond sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“I can take you there-”  
“Eridan, don't encourage him, dammit.”  
“I want to know what's happening too.” He insisted as he stood up straight again, pulling a set of keys from his pocket. “Cmon, Kar.”  
“Just- ugh-” Dave groaned and stood up. “Karkat, I have a gig tonight and I don't wanna have to come bail your crabby-ass out of jail.. So just..” The blond sighed and gave in, patting his shoulder. He doesn't remember the last time he saw Karkat so determined to do something. “Don't get in trouble..” He gave a weak smile in support and ran his fingers through his blond locks before walking past Karkat to go upstairs.  
“C’mon, Ampora.” Karkat nodded towards the door and the two left, driving towards the hospital that the half-comatose clown was sent to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are in Gamzee's head  
> Sorry if I missed any- I'm pasting from Docs and the Italics don't transfer.  
> *scream*

* * *

_Aw.. My motherfuckin’ head.._  
The clown twitched his fingers slightly as he tried his best to come-to, his head killing him along with his stomach. Everything was dark as he couldn't gather enough strength to open his eyes, nor much of the will either. He just laid still for a while longer as his body slowly began to wake up more and more, hearing things around him that hint to his location. The only really sound he heard was the slow beeping of a nearby heart monitor.   
_Fuck..  
I told you that shit will rust your motherfuckin’ thinkpan!  
I need it though-  
Because you're fuckin weak…_  
Gamzee’s hands shivered as they balled into weak fists.   
He was trapped in his own head..  
 _I'm not..  
Of course you are…_  
“Gamz..” A nearby voice mumbled almost silently, taking the grip from his hand as a sign of hope that the youngest Makara was going to wake up. “Gamz, please..” Kurloz mumbled in a low and almost inaudible voice.   
_Kurloz- Help, please- I wanna wake up!  
Yeah- I'm sure Tavros wants to wake up too-  
I didn't mean to hurt him!  
But you meant to hurt yourself.  
I.. Didn't..  
You can't lie to me. You knew what you did was stupid and terrible, so you took in more of that drugged up gunk this morning before practice. You hoped that something like this would happen.. And I don't blame you. You really fucked up, Gamzee._  
Kurloz stared at his little brother’s scarred face as his eyes refused to open, his fingers still twitching.  
Silently the door opened up, G peeking in. His stomach felt sick seeing Gamzee like this.  
“Any luck..?”  
“His fingers are twitching but that's it.” Kurloz signed before taking a hold of Gamzee’s hand with both of his again.  
“I guess it's better than nothing.” G sighed and ruffled his mess of black hair before kneeling on the floor beside his brother. “I know he’ll wake up soon.. He's strong like that.” He rubbed the mute’s back reassuringly, hiding his own doubts well.   
_Boy, do they not know you well…  
Guys-  
They think you're strong. You sure let them down. Typical Gamzee._  
“Ghn-” Gamzee let out almost a choked sound as he focused solely on waking up. He pushed and pushed until he started to see lines of light through his eyelashes, his body feeling sick from just moving his head.   
“Cmon- You got this.” G mumbled as the two watched hopeful at his sudden gag and his head shift. The older two just both unconsciously held onto Gamzee’s one hand.   
After a few minutes though, their hope just about ran out as the clown didn't stir anymore. Kurloz dropped his face against the bed as he felt defeated.  
 _I want to get up, dammit!_  
Too bad- You wanted punishment, here it is- Though.. Don't you get enough punishment?   
N-no.. I don't wanna think of that- Not now.  
With you comatose it’ll be real easy to put you back in th-  
Gamzee gasped as he jolted awake, panting like mad and suddenly gripping harder at his brothers’ hands. The clown was sitting straight up in bed now, trying to catch his breath with no such luck. He couldn't hear anything but muffled voices, suddenly feeling hands press to his arms and grab him, just causing his breathing to hitch further.  
“What's the matter with him?” G panicked as he held onto one of Gamzee’s arms to keep him from yanking out any sort of IVs. Kurloz hugged around Gamzee’s arms to keep him together.  
“Gamz-” he blinked as he held onto the youngest’s shoulders, looking in his eyes as they seemed hazy and glassy.   
“Gamzee, look-” G insisted as he rubbed a hand over the other’s back. The little clown began to focus his vision, seeing Kurloz instead, his big eyes holding worry in them.  
“I-I can't- breathe-” Gamzee gripped onto his chest as his hands still trembled horribly. The eldest shushed him as he rubbed his back, Kurloz silently helping him take deep breaths.   
Soon enough, Gamzee’s breathing returned to normal and his shaking was reduced tremendously. Once he was more back to normal, the two sandwiched him in a relieved hug.  
“You worried the fuck out of us!” G scolded him but the two refused to let him go. “What even happened?”  
“I was just wondering the same thing..” The three glanced towards the doorway where a tall, tan man stood, eyeing over Gamzee pretty worried. He took off his hat and ran a hand over his bald head.“You almost gave me a heart attack, kid.. First Tavros, now you?”  
“Mr.Caliborn-” The youngest started to try and explain, Kurloz and G standing up on either side of the bed. “I’m really sorr-”  
“Sorry? There’s no need to be sorry, Gamzee. I'm just relieved you're okay. But what happened?” The three switched to look at the bedridden clown.   
“I.. I wasn't thinkin’ straight and I had too much of my slime pies..” He mumbled and looked away to his hands in his lap, mindlessly picking at the tape that held his IV in place.   
“Accidents happen…” The ringleader stepped closer towards the bed, leaning on his cane every few steps and his one leg sounding like squeaking metal as he walked over. “All we need from you now is for you to rest and get better, okay?” He gave a little smile, Gamzee nodding and looking down at his hands again. “G, Kurloz..” Caliborn lifted his head and gestured for them to follow him out to leave the youngest one on his own. When the other three left, the room was silent except for the heart monitor’s slow, steady beating.   
Gamzee laid back in the bed, looking around the room, rubbing his eyes as he was still tired, oddly enough. He ran his fingers over his scarred nose and got chills before immediately dropping his hand into his lap. Slowly the clown began to nod off again, his head falling back against the pillow.

“Eridan, do you have a plan for this?” Karkat grumbled as the two walked into the front door of the hospital.  
“I thought you had the plan here-” He huffed, watching Karkat while the insomniac tried thinking of what to do.   
“We have to sneak… If we work together, we can find the guy.” He insisted as the two stood to the side of the lobby and looked around. “But how..”   
Eridan raised his head and looked around for a moment before dragging Karkat to the desk. “Excuse me, ma'am. We’re running late but can you point us in the direction that the med-students went for the observation?” He leaned over the desk, speaking very clearly and believable, even with his stuttering.  
“Sure thing- They went up this hallway just now-” She smiled and pointed over towards the hallway where a group of college students disappeared around the corner.   
“Thank you so much. C’mon-” he grabbed Karkat and the two hurried around the corner of the hall, stopping against the wall once they were out of sight.  
“Dude. What the hell was that?”  
“I know a thing or two about getting my nose into things.. It's a journalist trait.” He explained looking around.   
“I never thought I’d say this, but Eridan, you're great.” Karkat pat his shoulder and started up the hallway.  
“W-wow. Rude.” Eridan crossed his arms and followed.  
Karkat looked around and hesitated to speak to anyone walking around. He didn't want to get them kicked out, because the odds of Eridan getting them in that smoothly again was pretty slim.  
“Pardon me- We got lost looking for someone’s room.” Eridan tapped a nurse on the shoulder, speaking to her since he saw that the cancer wasn't going to say anything to anyone. Karkat watched in almost awe at how smoothly he spoke- or more so manipulated. It was impressive. Usually Ampora didn't talk to anyone.  
Soon Eridan waved Karkat along as the nurse lead them through the hallways towards the wing that the clown was in.   
“What do you mean he’s gone?” When the two rounded the corner they were met with the older two Makaras.  
“Gamzee’s not there-” Kurloz signed anxiously, bouncing on his heels, looking back and forth frantically.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long- I’ll try and upload more! I have a good amount of story written out already so once I hit a point I’ll have to write it directly!!

“Tav.. Tav..” He stood beside the bed, looking down at Tavros’ sleeping body. Slowly he blinked open one of his eyes though.   
“Gamzee..?”  
“You are alive. Oh thank god- I-I thought I killed you.” Gamzee let out a weak chuckle and held onto his chest on his gown, shivering slightly. “I'm.. I'm so motherfuckin’ sorry, bro.. I-I-”  
“Gamzee- Calm down.. I-I'm not mad at you.. I know you're.. Well- I know you didn't mean to.” Tavros laid on his back and just looked over to the other’s scarred face. “I'm alive- But my legs are kinda fucked..” He explained, Gamzee frowning as he looked up and down at Tavros’ body in the bed. “H-hey- It’s nothing to worry about. The nurses actually said if I manage to stay still enough for a couple weeks in bed then there’s a pretty good chance I'll be able to walk again!” He insisted excitedly, trying to ease the clown’s guilt.   
“Does it hurt?”   
“Uh..” He tapped his fingers against the sheets as he didn't want to tell Gamzee that it still hurts, excruciatingly bad. But currently he was on enough meds to keep him more tired and relaxed than in pain. “Not right now..” Gamzee frowned slightly.   
“Wait- What are you even doing here anyways?” Tavros furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Gamzee up and down, noticing the gown and the IV.  
“Well.. I..” The clown messed with his gown, gripping at his chest. “I had too much slime pie..” He mumbled, not even wanting to mention it, being that it got Tavros fucking paralyzed.   
“That shit’s bad for you! Why do you keep-?!”  
“Because it's all meds- Medicine that I actually need. The effects of all those mixed together, usually make me.. This..” He looked down at himself. “They make me feel relaxed and safe and- and without them I get violent. Like- homicidal violent.” Gamzee exhaled as he sped out his explanation, the Taurus listening a bit surprised.   
“Oh.. Then why’d yo-?”  
“Sometimes, when I'm like this, I’m not thinking straight.. It might seem like an excuse for stupidity or somethin’.. Motherfuckin’ sinister- But I honestly forgot.. I offered some to you, and being new still, you accepted it..” He looked at the floor silently, Tavros watching him.  
“Gamzee..” He mumbled feeling pretty bad for the clown. He seemed so genuine and honest that you couldn't really hate him. “Stop apologizing.. I already accepted yours.. So doing it over and over won't fix anything..” He explained, Gamzee watching his big brown eyes as they were hazed from the drugs he was on, but also looked still so sweet.  
Gamzee sighed ran a hand through his mess of black hair, his one hand gripping at the metal pole for his IV. He gave a weak, exasperated chuckle. “You have no idea.. How much I actually want to be dead..”  
“Don't say that-”  
“But like- Only for a little while, ya feel?”  
“You want a break.” Tavros watched as the clown drummed his fingers along the IV stand.   
“A break in an entirely new life..” Gamzee watched Tavros in the bed. “Don't get me wrong.. I love all this motherfuckin’ circus shit.. But I just-”  
“Need a break from everything..” Tavros finished Gamzee’s thought. “Look, man. I haven't been in the show for as long as you.. But I can still see that you need a break from everyone and everything there..”   
Gamzee paced in a circle as he pulled at his gown. “Yeah. But to get that, I'd need a motherfuckin’ miracle..” He mumbled. The clown scratched at his arm before sighing in defeat. Tavros quietly watched him from the bed, totally useless to help Gamzee.   
“I'm really sorry, dude..” He spoke quietly as the other teen went towards the door. “I-I'm pretty sure though, that if you keep your hopes up like you always do, your miracle will come..” He lifted his head slightly to watch the clown force a little smile as he left..  
Karkat idled down the hallway from the brothers as they obviously couldn't figure out where Gamzee went. He rocked on his heels as Eridan leaned against the wall, trying to draw as little attention to himself as possible.  
“W-well?”   
“The fuck you want me to do?!” He growled quietly as he reached a total stand still, his hands shaking.  
“Relax, Kar.. Just wait for him to come back.” Eridan explained, glancing over towards the opposite end of the hallway. “Or y’know.. Talk to him now.”  
“What're you-?” Karkat got turned around by the Aquarius and stared down the hall at the lanky teenager with very fluffy hair in a hospital gown, one hand gripping an IV stand and the other holding his chest as he seemed lost in thought.  
“Shit.. Keep an eye out for them, Fish-face.” Karkat tilted his head towards G and Kurloz before heading down the hall opposite of them.Eridan huffed but helped anyway.   
As the cancer made his way slowly down the hall he soon got close to Gamzee, the clown eventually looking up from the floor and to Karkat’s direction. He stared at him silently for a few moments as he waited for the stranger to say something. Though the longer Karkat kept up his awkward silence, the more self conscious Gamzee felt, especially since Karkat was looking him right in the face.  
“What the motherfuck is your problem, man?”   
“What? Oh- I’m-”  
“Just all up an’ motherfuckin starin’ at me.”  
“I wasn't trying to- I just-” Karkat groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated as the words didn't come out yet. “I didn't mean to stare. I just wanted to know if I could talk to you for a sec.” Gamzee’s stare softened pretty easily, his relaxed tone and posture returning as his meds once again set in.   
“My bad, bro..” He smiled a bit. “Guess I'm just not used to bein’ stared at by cute little motherfuckers outside a show..” Gamzee grinned as he watched Karkat.  
The teen tensed up and stared at Gamzee. “What? No- just- ugh!” He groaned. “Listen here, clown-ass. I'm.. I'm here to help you… Correct me if I'm wrong but there’s something bad happening, right?”  
“Huh..? Bad?”  
“Yeah. There’s bad shit happening to you.” Karkat tried explaining, Gamzee blinking a bit as his hands clenched a bit.   
“Is it that obvious?”  
“You are in a hospital..”  
“That's not-”  
“Look.. I'm offering to help you.. To.. I don't know.. Take you away… Cause you do need help, right?” Karkat spoke, watching Gamzee stare back in a sort of awe, Karkat unknowingly hitting every nail on the head. He knew something bad was happening here, but it wasn't all exactly what he expected. But either way, the clown was tempted to follow the stranger.   
“I.. Yeah.. I do.. I really motherfuckin’ do..” He dropped his shoulders in exhaustion. “I just wanna be anywhere else right now..”  
“You don't like- Need anything certain from the hospital, do you..?”  
“I don't think so.. Only reason I took this with me is cause I couldn't get off this motherfuckin’ tape.” The clown looked at his hand and then to Karkat. “You.. Really think you can help me, bro..?”  
“I'm gonna do my fuckin’ best.” Karkat insisted, peeking over his shoulder to see Eridan waving at him. “Shit- You should head back- Me and this asshole here should be in to help when the coast in clear.” He insisted. Gamzee nodded as he went towards his own room again.   
“Wait- What’s your name-?”  
“Huh? Ah- Karkat..”  
“Karkat..” He repeated. “Name’s Gamzee..” The Capricorn gave one of his usual sleepy grins and continued his walking before rounding the corner.  
Karkat stood with Eridan again and peeked to the clown, his brothers immediately taking him into his room.  
“Now what?”   
“Now.. Just follow my lead.” Karkat glanced at the taller boy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anything isn’t in italics that has to be- I’m pasting this from Google Docs and trying to change parts to the correct format

After nearly an hour, the two older clowns exited the room, looking exhausted as they've used all their energy on being worried sick. Gamzee had insisted that they go to bed. When they headed towards the door, the teen felt a strange lump in his throat. He knew they wouldn't be apart forever, but Gamzee still felt kinda bad for disappearing suddenly.. Though the youngest Makara knew that if he told one of them, they wouldn't let him go, or they'd monitor him. The clown just wanted a break.   
Not long after G and Kurloz left, the stranger from earlier showed up, his friend with the purple hair keeping watch in the hallway. “Ready?” Karkat snuck towards the bed and helped the clown to sit up. Though he was quickly cut off by a knocking, Eridan indicating someone was coming in.  
“Fuck fuck fuck-” Karkat whispered and looked at Gamzee. “You didn't see me-” the crab dropped to the floor and disappeared under the bed. Gamzee stared oddly as Karkat disappeared and then looked at the door, Kurloz coming in the dark room and slowly closing the door again.  
“Kurloz?” Karkat overheard Gamzee talk as his one brother returned, the clown remaining totally silent. “I thought you were heading back..? You don't have to stay-” The clown spoke to the silence he received, Karkat making out very slightly that Kurloz was signing. “Just you..? Nngh.. Fine.. But you have gotta sleep, motherfucker. You look tired as hell.” He sighed and gave in, Karkat groaning silently to himself that Gamzee essentially trapped him under the bed. Though not even ten minutes later, Gamzee gave a little ‘pst’ to get Karkat’s attention. “C’mon, motherfucker..”  
“What're you-?” The crab peeked out and found that Kurloz was asleep in a chair beside the bed. When Karkat got up again, he saw better that the older clown was deep asleep, leaning his face in his hand as his elbow was beside Gamzee in the bed. Quickly Karkat helped undo the tape from the IV, and thinking quick when it came to Gamzee’s heart monitor. He unplugged the machine for just a moment as the younger clown stood up beside the bed, his legs shaking slightly as he pulled on his pants.   
“I gotta be fast-” he insisted. Pulling down the chest of Gamzee’s gown, Karkat taking any of the sensors and placing them in the same spot on Kurloz’s chest.  
“What're you-?”  
“The nurses are gonna notice no heartbeat..” Karkat insisted, plugging it back in the watching it quickly pick up Kurloz’s steady heartbeat.   
“You're a sneaky and smart ass motherfucker..” Gamzee grinned, pulling on his t-shirt. The clown followed Karkat silently into the hallway, Eridan looking at them.   
“The fuck-?”  
“Shh- C’mon, chum bucket-” Karkat yanked Eridan for a step before keeping close track of Gamzee.  
“Karkat, are you insane? You're kidnapping a clown from a hospital-?”  
“Shh- It's not kidnapping! He wants to come. Right, Gamzee?”  
“Sure thing, bro..” He gave a sleepy grin.  
“He's high as hell.”   
“He wasn't when I talked to him earlier.” Karkat insisted as they snuck through the nearest exit and made their way towards Eridan’s car. The cancer stuck Gamzee in the backseat before sitting in the front and sighing in relief.  
Eridan began driving and sighed a bit as well, though not for the same reason. “Karkat, I knew you were insane, but-”  
“I'm not insane! I'm helping him because nobody else fuckin’ will, dammit!”   
“Where are you gonna take him?”  
“My dorm, for the time being-”  
“Oh yeah? What about Dave?”  
“Da- fuck.”  
“He won't be happy.”  
“Fuck it.. Everything's gonna be fine-”  
“W-whatevver..” Eridan hummed and just stared forward, his voice inflection pissing the cancer off.  
“Shut the fuck up, fish-face.”  
Gamzee stared between the two from the backseat, kinda liking Karkat already, being he was a stubborn motherfucker.. It was kinda cute on him. But he felt a strange part of his head say this isn't gonna end well, and another saying this is a good thing.   
“How do you know he doesn't need meds?” The clown lost his train of thought and looked at Eridan.  
 _This is your chance to get off those motherfuckin’, mind-rustin’, slime pies.  
But I need them-_  
“He was drugged up enough. He could use a break.”  
 _Good-  
No!_  
“That's not how medicine works, asshole..”   
_Don't say a damned thing, Gamzee..  
Say something! This kid’s doing anything to help you- Don't go crazy and-  
Shut the motherfuck up.._  
“Hey- clown-kid..”  
“What?” Gamzee blinks back to reality, looking at Karkat as he peeked over the seat.   
“Do you have any kinda life-saving meds? Like you'll die if you don't take it?”  
 _Go ahead.. Tell him the truth.._  
“No.. Nothin’ like that..”  
“See? Shut the fuck up, Eridan.”   
_You did want a break.._  
“I.. Did want a break..” He mumbled inaudible to himself..   
The rest of the car ride, Gamzee seemed distant, while Karkat and Eridan continued trying to out-stubborn each other.  
“Fine, fine, wwhatevver. Take your clown and get out of my car.” Eridan took his keys from the ignition and went to get out, Karkat grumbling and getting out as well. He opened the back door and peeked in as Gamzee didn't come out.  
“Ey- You good, man?”   
“Oh- yeah..” Gamzee shook away his thoughts and returned to his usual, drug induced state of chill. “Where we at, bro?” He smiled and climbed out of the car, ignoring the brisk air on his skinny arms as they were covered in just a thin fabric.  
“My dorm.. You're gonna be staying with me for a while if that's okay with you.” Karkat pulled his pass from his hoodie pocket, walking towards the front door with Gamzee in tow.  
“That's cool with me, motherfucker-” Gamzee grinned and looked around the place when they went in, bring it was late there was barely anyone in the common area, and anyone who was there was too busy keeping their face in their textbooks.   
Karkat lead him up the stairs and into their dorm, instantly shutting the door behind them.   
“Nice place..”  
“Uh- Thanks.” Karkat looked around distracted from the clown, peeking into Dave’s room to see if the blond was home yet. “He's still out.. I got some time to-”  
“Karkat-!”  
“Shit.” The insomniac wandered into the hallway and went back into the main room, Gamzee standing with his tired grin and Dave standing with his arms crossed.  
“Is this who I think it is..?”  
“Name’s Gamzee, motherfucker.” He smiled casually.   
“Right. Oh my god, dude.” Dave watched Karkat try and think of an explanation.  
“Okay, Dave, look-” The cancer fidgeted his fingers while he tried explaining. “This guy needed some serious help- Someone to take him out of that whole mess.”   
“And why does that have to be you?”  
“Because nobody else will, dammit!” Karkat huffed and crossed his arms to stand his ground.   
“I can't believe it. You kidnapped a goddamn circus clown.”  
“It's not a kidnapping! He wanted to come with me!” Karkat argued.  
“And what are you gonna do with him?”   
“Hide him from those carnies for a while.”   
“Karkat-”  
“Dave, please. Just trust me for once.. I can do this-”  
Dave stared at his roommate for just a moment, sighing and giving in much too easily.   
“Fine, dude… You better know what you're doing.” He ran his fingers through his blond hair and pulled off his glasses. “I'm goin’ to bed.. I had a long night.” He yawned and went towards his own room, passing Gamzee again. “And uh- Don't let him in my room..” He elbowed Karkat as he went past him, disappearing into his room.   
The insomniac watched Dave then peeked to Gamzee, the clown sitting on the futon and slowly nodding off every now and again.   
“It's late.. You should probably just go to sleep..”  
“But I ain't..” He mumbled and got cut off by a yawn-  
“God- You're such a kid..” Karkat groaned and yanked an extra blanket from the closet, tossing it at Gamzee. “Sleep. Now.”   
The clown easily gave in and pulled the blanket over his face, flopping to one side.   
The crab retreated eventually to his own room for the night, falling asleep surprisingly fast. It probably had something to do with the stressful day but also the strange feeling of ease in his stomach.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is probably long? Sorry

> The next morning, Karkat woke up to sounds of talking and laughing. He sat up and ruffled his hair, recalling the night before, and that there was a stranger in his dorm. Specifically a clown. Whatever he was thinking when he took Gamzee, he kept at it. The crab shifted out of bed and wandered out into the hallway.  
> “You one cool as fuck motherfucker.”  
> “I know, man.” Dave looked over at Karkat when he came into the kitchen, Dave sat at the table, talking to Gamzee who was sat cross legged on the floor in front of him. “Mornin’, sleeping beauty. Slept well for once?”  
> “Shut up..” He huffed and looked to Gamzee. “Why is he sitting on the floor?”  
> “Dude wanted to sit there-”  
> “Fair enough, I guess” Karkat shrugged and went towards the counter for coffee. “So.. How’d you sleep?”   
> “Great, bro. Feels pretty good to not sleep in a tent.” Gamzee smiled, drinking from his mug.  
> “What the fuck smells like cough syrup?” Karkat sat beside Dave at the table and looked around before his eyes landed on Gamzee. “Wait.. I know that- Is he fucking drinking your shitty grape Faygo bullshit?”  
> “Maybe-” Dave took a sip of his coffee and couldn't hold back a smile from Karkat’s angry look.   
> “Why?! It's like, 9am!”  
> “Dude don't drink coffee- So I told him pick something from the fridge.”  
> “I picked the most colorful shit I could find.” Gamzee grinned almost proudly, Dave chuckling slightly.  
> “Let the dude live his life, Karkat..” He smiled.  
> “I'm trying to make sure his brain stops rotting.. That shit will make his whole head rot, from his teeth, back.” He huffed, drinking more from his mug.  
> “Relax, man.. Everything’s fine. He hasn't even been here 12 hours yet and you're already playing mommy.. Dude’s like, 19 years old.”  
> “Mmhm.” Gamzee hummed in return as he took another drink. “You always this motherfuckin’ maternal?” He gave a sleepy grin.   
> “Nah- Usually that has to be me unfortunately. Without me, Karkat would probably be eating and sleeping about 60% less than he already is.”  
> “Fuck off..”  
> “That's alright, bro. I always sleep either too much or not at all, and I'm almost never fuckin’ hungry.” Gamzee tried assuring him that he wasn't the only dysfunctional one.   
> “That doesn't make me feel better. It just stresses me out about you more.” Karkat groaned and stood up, walking back towards the counter and setting his mug in the sink. “I have work at 11-”  
> “Yeah? And? I got class at 11.”  
> “Shit.. Nnn..” Karkat drummed his fingers along the countertop. “What do I do with him?”  
> “Not my issue..”  
> “Help me out just a little, you incessant bulgeleak..”  
> “You saved the clown.” Dave hummed casually as he set his own mug beside the cancer’s in the sink, leaning on the counter beside him.   
> “I can't leave him alone here..”  
> “Your only option would be to take him with you- Or find a clownsitter.”  
> “Fuck.” Karkat looked at Gamzee over his shoulder. “I might have to leave him.. I can't take him out- guaranteed he's being looked for.”   
> “You sure he won't get into anything dangerous?” The blond teased. “Relax, man- He’s not a baby. I'll only be in class a few hours and then I could supervise til you get back.” He pat the insomniac’s shoulder and smiled.   
> “Fuck you.. Thanks.” He huffed embarrassed, extremely thankful that Dave was so laid back about everything.  
> Gamzee sat in his spot on the floor, looking up at the other two as they spoke. Eventually the two split off their separate ways to get ready for their days. The clown sat on the floor a little longer in silence before getting up and following around Karkat. The shorter teen groaned a bit at how he basically had Gamzee on his heels.   
> “Don't you have something better to do?”  
> “Nope.”  
> “Oh.. Right. Fuck.” The cancer leaned against the wall as he thought for a moment, towel still around his clothed shoulders from the shower, his hair dripping wet. “Are you.. Gonna be okay on your own for a couple hours?” Karkat looked at him seriously, wondering if he was even okay with it. Even if he wasn't, there wasn't much he could do about it.. Anything really.   
> “Sure, bro.. Don't see why not..” He smiled a bit and assured the insomniac. Karkat nervously drummed his fingers along his side but just nodded and grabbed his bag before hurrying out the door on Dave’s tail.  
> With the slam of a door, Gamzee was left alone in the silence of the dorm.   
> _‘Now what?’_ He looked around in a circle for a while, eventually going towards the boys’ rooms. Gamzee poked around, unable to really find anything too interesting. Just normal teenage guy stuff. Dirty clothes, condoms, etc. The Capricorn sighed a bit and went back into the main room, sitting on the floor.   
>  It felt like forever as he just stared at the ceiling, occasionally going into the fridge to take Faygo or messing with the radio to avoid mind-fucking silence that would cause his inner-voice to speak up.  
> “Clown-dude.” Dave’s voice sang out as the front door opened after several hours, the shaded blond looking around the living room as he stepped in, soon spotting Gamzee boredly laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, surrounded by several empty soda bottles. “Have fun?” He teased in a monotone voice, dropping his bag on the floor and standing over the clown with his arms crossed.   
> Gamzee looked up as Dave came into view, his arms outstretched along the floor. “I am bored as a motherfucker..” He sat up, peeking over his shoulder to the blond before going to stand, an unfinished bottle of Faygo in each hand.   
> The blond simply smirked a bit as he grabbed some of the empty bottles to throw away, looking up at the Capricorn, his makeup smudged and old as he didn't take it off from the night before. He took a swig from one of the bottles before closing it again.   
> As Dave cleaned up, Gamzee mindlessly juggled the bottles.  
> “Look at that- A juggling juggalo.” He grinned, Gamzee tilted his head in confusion and caught the bottles.   
> “Juggalo?”  
> “Yeah. Man you can't tell me you ain't a juggalo.” Dave leaned against the counter as Gamzee took a seat on the floor again. “You're a clown who loves the fuck outta Faygo. Have you even heard ICP?”  
> “IC-who?” The Capricorn was completely lost, Dave making his way over to a shelf and searching disc after disc until he pulled out a CD case and took it to the radio. Gamzee sat on the floor and watched him go around, eventually standing and following him. He was kinda excited but also nervous. It was just some music. What's the worst that could-  
> “Hey.. Are you okay..?” Dave looked at Gamzee for a reaction, only to find instead of loving it, or even hating it, he just looked.. Petrified. He was frozen in place, his eyes staring blankly forward as breaths became kinda shallow.  
> “St-Stop-” He whispered.  
> “What?”  
> “Stop it-”  
> “Yo, dude, I can't hear-”  
> “I said turn off this mothafuckin’ blasphemous noise!!” Gamzee suddenly shouted, his tone wicked and his body tense. He couldn't even think, since the word blasphemous surely wasn’t the word he meant.   
> “Dude, chill! It's just-!”   
> Suddenly Dave found himself on the floor, blacking out for just a moment as the clown had landed a hard punch right on his cheek near his eye. He stood up ready to fight Gamzee back, only to not see him.. Dave glanced around, soon spotting him on the floor. He was crouched in a ball, a hand mashed to either side of his head. Dave dropped his arms in confusion, shutting off the music as he caught Gamzee’s whispering plead this time.  
> “P-please..”  
> “What the hell is your issue? I- argh-” Dave put a hand to his aching face, groaning as he disappeared into the bathroom to see how badly his face got fucked.   
> He looked in the mirror, a reddened mark very slowly turning purple sat below his eye. Dave huffed and went to the kitchen to find ice before it got any worse. Once the blond had a pack of ice to his face he returned for Gamzee.   
> Except he was gone..  
> “Shit.. Gamzee.” Dave called as he looked around, feeling kinda guilty.. Obviously whatever he heard set him off. To the point of making him violent and reducing him to begging. “C’mon dude-” Dave wandered around as he searched. He walked in circles around the dorm, searching for the clown. It shouldn’t be this hard to find a 6 foot fucker in face paint. “Gamzee, c’mon. I’m not mad, dude.” He stopped when he heard creaking and cupboards shuttering.   
> Dave returned to the kitchen, looking around until he was met with the sight of one of the cabinets peeking slightly open.   
> “Gamzee?”   
> No response.  
> “Dude, I’m not mad at you if that’s what you’re afraid of..” Dave knelt beside the cabinet and sat on the floor eventually, noticing Gamzee sitting inside through the crack.  
> “Y’know if ya leave open the door it’s not a very good hiding spot.”  
> “..More afraid of the dark than I am of you, brother.” The Capricorn mumbled into his arms as he had them crossed on his knees as he sat crouched up in the cupboard.  
> “Then.. Can I open the door?”  
> Once again, there was no response, Dave eventually slowly peeking open the cabinet when he caught a glimpse of what he believed was a nod. Gamzee didn’t fight so he assumed it was a right guess.  
> “I’m re-”  
> “I’m sorry.. Please don’t tell Karkat.” Gamzee cut Dave off before he could even apologize, not even looking at the blond.  
> “I.. Yeah, sure, man..” He blinked kinda surprised. “Can I ask you something though?” The blond took the ice off the side of his face. “What the hell happened back there? I’m not mad you nearly punched my lights out. I’m more concerned to why?”  
> Gamzee stayed silent for a moment, trying to find a way to explain. No matter what he thought of it was either too specific and not an option, or just a flat out lie. So he went with being vague.  
> “Some.. bad motherfuckin’ shit… Real bad motherfuckin’ shit happened to me.. And even if I never knew the name I’d recognize that music anywhere… J-Just took me back to some bad shit..” Gamzee’s voice was nearly silent as he spoke, Dave leaning back against the cabinet as he listened.   
> “Shit, man. I’m really sorry. I didn’t-”  
> “No. It’s just such a crazy specific thing that there ain’t a way in motherfuckin’ hell that you’d ever even think.. Can we just..?”  
> “Shut the fuck up about it?” The clown nodded. “On one condition. You let me send a picture of you in there to Karkat. You’re a big motherfucker. It’s pretty fuckin’ funny to see you in the cabinet.” Dave chuckled a bit, Gamzee glancing around at his hiding spot and smiling a bit.  
> It was pretty funny..  
> Dave crawled back some and snapped a photo of Gamzee on his phone, sending it to the insomniac at work before helping the clown out.   
> “Dave what the hell”  
> “Hey, he got in there on his own. I didn’t even know he’d fit.”  
> “Why is he in there though?”  
> “Motherfucker got bored. I ain’t judgin.”  
> “Don’t get his tall ass stuck anywhere. I’ll be back in a few hours.”  
> Dave chuckled, dropping onto the floor of the kitchen beside Gamzee, letting him read the messages over his shoulder. He was.. Eerie whenever he was silently watching like that. But then again, it was probably just the clown makeup. The Capricorn was a pretty good example that not all clowns are creepy.. He was a teenager just like them.  
> Well not just like them, but he was like anyone else.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things to note: slime pies in this world are just a mixed concoction of medicine Gamzee has to take, but growing up He was stubborn as a kid so his brothers began mixing it into little syrup-y shots for him to drink instead and it just stuck- (as a kid Gamz called it slime pies

After a while of the two fucking around with Dave’s stereo, The blond showing Gamzee other music of his, and showing him what buttons to press to stop anything if needed.   
It was fun, though after a bit, the clown seemed oddly distant. Dave got his attention and the Capricorn shrugged it off for just a moment.  
 _No.. I have to tell him.  
Don’t you fuckin dare, Gamzee.  
But-  
NO!_  
“Gamz?”   
“Can I borrow your phone..? There’s.. Someone I have to call.”  
“Uh..” The blond blinked a bit as the question caught him off guard. “I don’t know, man.. Karkat’s got you here like some kinda witness protection program. It’s fucked up but he’s really determined.. You did say you came by choice, right?”  
“Of course. I just gotta.. Call someone. They won’t tell no one where I am. I just.. Need some things..” Gamzee hesitated, his hands fidgeting at his sides as they were sat on the floor still.   
“What is it? I can get it-”  
“It’s medication- You can’t just get it on your own. But.. I can’t really go where my friend is without everyone noticing me.. Painted or not.”  
Dave drummed his fingers along the floor for a moment.   
“Well we can just tell-”  
“That’s.. Another thing.. Karkat can’t know..”  
“What?”  
“Well the reason I was in the hospital in the first place was the drugs. He thinks they’re no good for me and he’d lose it if he found out I was still willingly taking them.”  
“I’d hate to say I know it’s no big deal if you explain it to him because I know Karkat. He won’t believe you. Stubborn, crabby bastard.” Dave leaned back against the wall. “Just..” He looked down at his phone. “Give me a minute to think of a plan before you go alerting God and everyone about where you are.”  
After about twenty minutes of thinking what to do with all of this, Dave handed over his phone to Gamzee. “Alright, here’s the deal, dude. You said this dude won’t go around tellin’ everyone where you are, right?”  
“Yeah. He was the person who convinced me I needed a break. I’m just lucky your friend all up and showed when he did, or else I’d be off somewhere alone.”  
“Okay. So all you have to do is tell them that when they get the shit to hand it off to me. Keep you from goin’ out and make sure you get your shit.” Dave smiled as his plan was goddamn flawless.   
“You one smart motherfucker.” Gamzee dialed the phone, sitting with his knees to his chest, the phone to his ear as it rang.  
“Hey. Tav.”   
“Tav? Oh fuck.. Dude.”   
“It’s Gamzee, man.. I need your help.”  
“Gamzee-”  
“I can’t-”  
“Gamzee!”  
“What, bro?” The clown huffed and finally looked at Dave.  
“Isn’t Tav the dude who fell and busted all his shit?”  
“Yeah?”  
“How the fuck is he gonna get anything without help from someone else?”  
“Oh.. Fuck.” _  
“Gamzee? Gamzee!”_  
“Shit. Uh. Tavbro-”  
 _“Where are you? Everyone’s been looking for you!”_  
“I’m fine, man! I just.. I need your help but you gotta promise not to tell anyone where I am.”  
 _“But-”_  
“Nobody! Not Calliborn. Not even G or Kurloz.”  
 _“But where are you?”_  
“I.. I left. I did what I said I wanted to do and that’s take a break.”  
 _“A break!? Gamzee you disappeared! From the hospital at that.. They said when they went to check on you they found your brother hooked up to your fuckin machine!”_  
“If I told anyone I was leaving they wouldn’t let me.. Or they’d motherfuckin’ watch me. You know that.”  
 _“But..”_  
“All you need to know is I’m with people who aren’t crazy and are trying to help me. Please, dude..”  
There was a long silence before Tavros piped up again.  
 _“What do you need..?”_  
“Slime pies.” _  
“Dude, I can’t walk..”_  
“I realized that too late. But you’re my only hope..”  
 _“Who do I even ask?”_  
Gamzee paused for a moment,  
“Kurloz. If you don’t tell him where I am, he can’t do anything. Just.. Don’t let him tell G.. But tell him I’m okay…” He mumbled. Leaving the damn circus behind his only concern was his brothers. He knew he couldn’t say where he was going but he did want them to know he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. _  
“Okay well they’re gonna just grab you whenever you show up to get the stuff.”_  
“Actually, no.. someone else is gonna show up for me. Just hand it off to him and everything’s all nice nice, bro.” _  
“But Gamzee.. Y’know what? This’ll work.. You really need this.. You do sound a lot happier..”_  
“Tavros, bro, I owe you big time.” Gamzee smiled wide and eagerly bit his lip.  
 _“Yeah yeah.. Have your friend show up outside the hospital in a few hours. I’ll have Kurloz out there to give them your weird slime stuff.”_  
“I’m sorry, slime?”   
“It’s a thing… Don’t think too much about it.” Gamzee gave Dave back his phone. “So in a few hours all you gotta do is show up outside the hospital and my bro’s gonna give you what I need.” The clown smiled.  
“What if your brother starts to question where you are?”  
“That’s not gonna be a problem at all-”  
“Why not?”  
“My brother’s mute.”  
“Oh that brother. Good. Your other brother could probably rip my head off.  
“Who, G? He wouldn’t hurt a fly.. Well.. That’s probably a lie.. He’s real chill but when it comes to his ‘little bros’ he will do anythin..”  
“Dude-”  
“But I said it’s Kurloz, not G. You’ll be fine.” Gamzee looked at the time on the stereo and wriggled in place in pure anticipation. Dave did the same but not nearly as eagerly as Gamzee was.   
After another hour or so the front door opened and Karkat pushed his way inside, dropping his bag onto the floor. He walked towards the sound of music and peeked into the doorway, finding Dave and Gamzee sat on the floor in front of the stereo, throwing out random rap verses back and forth and all around being fuckin’ dorks.   
Karkat simply smiled at the sight and went to get washed up. When he got out of the bathroom though, Dave was gone. Gamzee was left on the floor in front of the stereo, music still playing as he looked over the various CD cases to keep himself busy.  
“Where’s Dave?”  
“Huh? Oh. Motherfucker went out. Said he had to pick somethin’ up.” Gamzee explained without really bothering to look up. To be entirely honest, he could actually feel his head spinning. He sat with his head practically to the speaker to drown out the voice that grew louder and louder in his head. Karkat just watched him curiously. He could definitely tell something wasn’t right in Gamzee’s head. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was though. Frankly, the list was too long to pinpoint one thing being wrong at a time. It was always a mixture of everything at once, only ever silenced by his constant intake of drug-induced slime.   
“Hey.. You okay?”  
“Huh?” Gamzee raised his head, wondering when Karkat got on the floor in front of him.  
“I asked if you were okay.. You’ve been sitting totally still for nearly twenty minutes.”  
“Oh- Yeah. I’m cool. Just.. thinkin’.” Gamzee gave a smile, his brown eyes seeming less glazed over than usual. “What’s happenin’ my cancerous bro?”  
“What?”  
“Yo sweater.. It’s got that zodiac all up on it.” He pointed to Karkat’s chest. “I know em cause the circus got them things for our troll shit.”   
“Oh, yeah.” Karkat sat cross-legged across from the clown, silently observing him. “What’s it like? To- Y’know- Be in the circus your whole life.”  
“Oh it is real motherfuckin’ fun, man. Clownin’ is somethin’ I do best so I get to fuck around in facepaint in front of a crowd of people for a living. And they’re all like family, yo.” Gamzee smiled as he spoke. “People come an’ go but that’s just how it be sometimes. As long as me and my clownin’ bros stay together I’m real cool with everything.” The clown seemed really into the circus and seemed to not hate a single bit of it.  
“Then what happened? Why’d you leave?”  
“This ain’t permanent.. No way, bro. I just needed a break.. Sometimes even shit you love to do is stressful when it’s nonstop.” He explained further, Karkat looking at the ground.  
 _Are you sure that’s it?_  
“Yeah. Just- break from clownin.” Gamzee gave an uneasy smile, not even realizing he answered a question only he heard.  
“Just so you know I'm not letting you go anywhere until I'm sure that you're okay to do so-” Karkat explained. “I won't be able to sleep at night knowing I let you return when you still feel like you're choking-”  
 _Wait.._  
“Held hostage or something..”  
 _Stop_.  
“Just all around like you're just there because they want a show out of yo-”  
“Stop-!” Gamzee put a hand on his head before blinking and realizing that he had shouted out loud. “I mean.. I get what you're sayin’ bro.. I would rather.. change the subject off the circus for now..” The clown insisted and looked at Karkat. The other teen gave in easily, picking up a distressed, pleading look from Gamzee.  
“Yeah.. Okay man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Uh- if you guys wanna.. y’know- draw anything about this story and wanna post it somewhere you guys can put it on Instagram or tumblr or something- tag it #BathtimeForGamzee cause I would be super happy to see if you do!!  
> (Leave a comment here or tag one of my accounts on your photo if you know one and I’d love to see it!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one is probably short- whoops

“I’m fuckin’ crazy.. Why am I doing this?” Dave sighed as he drove up the road towards the hospital. He just couldn’t believe he was driving out of his way to get a bunch of drugs from a clown, for another clown, in a hospital parking lot. “Dave, you have chosen this life all on your own..” The blond parked his car, getting out and leaning against the hood until the ‘goods’ showed up. After not too long he spotted a familiar mess of hair, nearly identical to Gamzee’s except this guy had one side of it shaved. He looked around and blinked almost surprised when he recognized Dave. He walked over, pointing to him in disbelief. The chances of the guest from their show a week back was one of the people responsible for Gamzee’s disappearance was fuckin’ crazy. Dave couldn’t help but stare at his tanned face, definitely appreciating it without the skeleton paint. He stared in silence for a moment until he realized if any talking was going to happen then it would have to be him.   
“Hey- Uh.. Kurloz-” He recalled the middle Makara’s name. The mute simply blinked before narrowing his eyes, showing his unhappiness with seeing Dave, for the sole reason that he was the reason for their stress of having an MIA baby brother since yesterday. Or so he thought it was Dave.   
“Look man. You don’t gotta gimme that look- Gamzee is okay. And it wasn’t my idea to take him. It was my friend’s.” Dave looked at the clown up and down, finding even outside of the show he kept his skeleton/goth aesthetic, proving so with a skeleton hoodie and some dark eye makeup. “Don’t get your bones all rattled..” He gave a cool smile as he stepped forward, unable to stare at the look in Kurloz’s face as the mute bit his lip to keep himself from smiling at the terrible joke.  
“Look- I’m really sorry if we caused you any stress.. I can assure you, your brother is safe and totally is with us by choice. He just was lookin’ for a break. Wanted to be away from everything for a while to just breathe.” Dave explained the best he could, continuing only until the mute’s expression softened entirely. He seemed less mad now and almost like he wanted to cry.. Like he was so grateful to know Gamzee wasn’t in trouble or worse. After a moment of silence, Kurloz took his bag off his back, handing it over to Dave. Without anything more than a sign Dave didn’t understand, Kurloz went to leave. The blond hesitated to speak again, knowing he could just leave freely now.  
“Wait.” Kurloz turned back around. “Uh.. H-How much is all this..? Like- How many days are in here?” The mute held up his open hand. “Okay- Yeah, then.. I’ll see you back here in like.. Five days..” Dave rubbed the back of his neck, feeling strangely uncool around Kurloz. Like he just didn’t know what to say, especially because he was doing all the talking. The mute gave a little smile before nodding.  
“What the hell was that?” Dave mumbled to himself once Kurloz had left.  
Days had passed, Gamzee taking his ‘slime pies’ without Karkat’s knowledge, Dave helping him with such. Everything was pretty chill. The clown got along well with the two of them, seeming normal in just about everything. Though, as time passed, Some things started to seem.. Odd. Dave and Karkat began to notice some weird things about Gamzee.   
Firstly, neither of them have ever seen the clown without his makeup. Whenever he would go into the bathroom to wash himself, they would never hear the shower or the bath, but he always came out clean. He didn’t seem to like any kind of video camera pointed in his general direction. The creepiest though, would be whenever Dave and Karkat would decide to get together, they confirmed that Gamzee stands outside of Dave’s bedroom door.. He wasn’t doing anything inappropriate either.. He would just kinda.. loom around. Other than that though, he was totally chill.  
“Gamzee-”   
“What’s up, my sleepless and shaded brothers?” The clown gave his usual high-as-a-kite grin from the futon where he lounged boredly, waiting for the boys to return from class.   
“Can you not-? Ugh.. Nevermind.. Me and Dave are having Eridan and Sollux over tonight to drink. You in?”  
“Oh hell yeah, my man. I ain’t never got to be drinkin’ before. Sounds motherfuckin’ fun.” He sat up and smiled, Karkat actually smiling a bit as he went past Gamzee, ruffling his mess of black hair before going into the kitchen, their backpacks clanking with glass bottles.   
“You sure about this, clowntown?” Dave whispered a bit to Gamzee. “Most meds say you shouldn’t drink while you’re on em. And I have no idea what’s in those little cups your bro gave you.”  
“Relax man.. I’ll take it easy.” Gamzee assured the blond with a grin, Dave reluctantly giving in and going to the kitchen with Karkat as well.  
 _Are you sure about this, Gamzee?_  
 _Why wouldn’t I be?_  
 _What if it fucks with your head? What if it makes you sick and all this was for nothing, because your dumbass has to go back to the hospital._  
 _I’m gonna be fine.. I’ll take it easy.._  
“I’ll take it easy-” He assured himself, talking to the empty room as he pushed some hair back from his face. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you draw anything based on the story post it on Instagram or Tumblr with the tag #BathtimeForGamzee! I’d love to see!  
> And if you wanna request anything specific to be drawn by me for the story message me on IG @terminallyClownfuck :oD


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if this one is short but welcome our favorite salty gay boyfs w/ speech impediments!  
> (Also I’m so proud I’ve managed to write a full smut scene without mentioning any sort of explicit wording??)
> 
> ((TLDR: ur lazy but hey it’s Eridan and Sollux and Dave and Karkat drunkenly get it on))

“Drinking with a clown.. It wasn’t on my bucket list but I can say I’ve done it.” Sollux took a shot as he sat on the floor between Gamzee and Eridan, cheers-ing his glass with said clown before doing so. Sollux stuck out his pierced, split tongue, past where his front teeth should be, as he choked out a breath. Gamzee mirrored him before chuckling a bit, the group laughing at them slightly.  
“Nice..” Dave grinned.  
“What about him?”  
“This is his first time drinking. What’s your excuse?” The blond teased him, Sollux responding by flipping Dave off and sticking out his tongue again, putting his finger between the split.  
“Gross, bro.” Gamzee chuckled as he tilted his head, observing Sollux’s strange mouth.  
The group took a few more shots, Dave making sure Gamzee trailed behind at a slower pace. But even with half the shots, the clown was as sufficiently buzzed as his new friends.  
“Alright, alright. I have a question for Gamz..” Eridan started, taking his bottle from his mouth. “Have you ever gotten with someone who was into the clown makeup?”  
“Gotten with..?” He raised an eyebrow, his head feelin’ light and all kindsa funky.  
“Y’know.. You ever fucked with someone who found the clown shit hot or somethin’..?  
“Well.. Yeah, actually.. A- uh.. Couple times..”  
“Woah, seriously?” Dave raised an eyebrow. “That’s fuckin crazy..”  
“Oh, they.. Definitely were..” Gamzee seemed kinda out of it now as he spoke, his eyes downward as he went to take another swig of his beer.  
“Did they like- Make you wear the paint during it?” Eridan blinked honestly curious of what crazy shit the clown came across being in that kind of setting.. Also just what kind of people he could pick up as a circus clown.  
“Mmhm..” He hummed a bit as he stared blankly down again, the only thing bringing him back being the clack of the glass bottle making sudden contact to his teeth, his head shaking as he came to.   
“You okay, Gamzee?” Karkat asked with concern.  
“Yeah.. We should change the subject though- Who wants to.. Hear about crazy clown-fuckers, huh?” He forced a grin, lifting his bottle again to find it empty.  
“Need another?”  
“Ye…” Gamzee stalled. “No.. no I think I’ve had enough..”   
The night continued, the clown’s head spinning but in a much more pleasant way than usual, the others continuing to drink until they reached the point where they should probably stop. By about 3am Eridan and Sollux were practically hanging off one another to make their way back to their dorm without collapsing in the hallway. Karkat and Dave on the other hand, were all over each other for other reasons. With Gamzee already blacked out on the couch, Dave pulled Karkat from the floor, carrying the insomniac back to his own room for the night, Karkat clinging to the blond. Arms around his neck, legs around his waist and lips yet to leave the taller teen’s pale neck.   
Dave locked the door behind him, pressing Karkat’s back against it as the bed seemed just too much farther. The insomniac squeezed his red eyes shut, one hand clawing the back of Dave’s shirt as his other one found it’s way into his blond hair, the opposite teen’s teeth making repeated contact with Karkat’s neck and collarbone in the form of harsh bites.   
“F-Fuck..~ Dave~” Karkat kept his voice low the best he could, definitely not wanting to wake Gamzee in the next room. Though after all the drinking, it would be a miracle if he got up with a little shouting. The blond didn’t hesitate as his hands grabbed at the Cancer’s ass, lifting him and then dropping him onto the bed. The moment the teen’s back hit the bed he started pulling off his sweater, feeling as if he were overheating already. As he worked it off, Dave yanked off his own shirt for the same reasons. He next worked on the button of Karkat’s pants, the insomniac unable to keep his hips down against the bed as he struggled.   
Soon, all clothes were tossed aside, Dave eagerly leaving marks all over the new-found skin on his crabby lover. Said lover couldn’t keep from leaving marks on Dave’s pale skin either, though his less in the form of hickies and teeth and more in the form of long red scratches leading down his pale, freckled back. Moans escaped from his lips as the blond was a usual teasing little shit, his hips grinding into Karkat’s, not giving him nearly enough friction nor where he wanted it.   
“Y-You fucking- ah!” The insomniac got cut off by his own sound, which resulted only from a good, hard bite at the base of his neck. Dave knew exactly what he was doing.  
Soon the breathing picked up, Karkat’s throat releasing waves upon waves of moans, tangled in with curses and mentions of his lover’s name over and over. Dave on the other hand was unable to keep his eyes off Karkat’s face, loving the sight even in the dark. He was managing to keep his voice under control, his moans dripping from his lips in low sounds from his throat where they mostly remained. He knew with every ram and roll of his hips he could control Karkat’s voice just as much- Though he preferred keeping those noises on a much louder level. He kept it up just how he knew Karkat liked it until the point where both of them couldn’t hold back anymore, resulting in a mess on Karkat’s stomach and, luckily, in a freebie condom.   
Dave dropped onto the bed just beside Karkat, the two slowly coming off their high and catching their breaths. Worn out, it didn’t take the two long at all to fully pass out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you draw anything based on the story post it on Instagram or Tumblr with the tag #BathtimeForGamzee! I’d love to see!  
> And if you wanna request anything specific to be drawn by me for the story message me on IG @terminallyClownfuck :oD


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so- around this chapter is when shit really starts to get dark- strap in and prepare for some of those warnings!

“Ugh.. Dave- Get your shitty phone.” Karkat buried his face deeper into the blond’s freckled chest, wanting the loud sounds to stop assaulting his headache, allowing him to sleep again.   
“Dude, that’s your phone.” Said blond grumbled as he didn’t even bother opening his eyes.  
“Fucking..” The crab rolled over, grabbing his phone from his discarded pants on the floor. “Hello?”  
 _“Karkat?”_  
“Kankri?”  
 _“Hey- Listen. Remember how I couldn’t attend the circus? By the way, I’m still really sorry about that.”_  
“Yeah- What about it, dude?”  
 _“Well I have a surprise for you.”_  
“Oh goodie.” He yawned, his head already back against Dave’s pillow.  
 _“Don’t be a brat.. The surprise is that I am going to be arriving at your dorm for the weekend in about an hour.”_  
“I’m sorry- I think I just fell asleep again- It sounded like you said you were coming here in an hour..” Karkat sat up, suddenly no longer tired, but his head still throbbing, probably even more now.  
 _“You heard correctly. I thought you’d be happy-”_  
“I am. I am way happy.” He rubbed his eyes, looking around the dark, windowless room for a clock of some sort. It’s only 11. “Just caught me off guard.”  
 _“Well, little brother, I’ll be there soon enough. So please put on some pants and tell David to do the same.”_  
“What? I’m not- Whatever.” He sighed, ruffling his dark hair before bidding a goodbye to his brother.   
After hanging up, Karkat rubbed the remainder of sleep and questionable decisions from his eyes before nudging Dave to get up as well. The blond gave a few groans before rolling on his side.   
“I'm up, dude.. go wake your clown instead-”   
“Fuck.. I almost forgot about him-” Karkat pulled on a set of boxers to make his way to his own room. After cleaning himself up, taking a moment to assess the absurd amount of markings Dave left behind, and getting dressed, the Cancer left his room, going towards the main room where Gamzee slept.   
“Gamzee- Hey clownass.” He gave the teen a nudge. When he didn't stir, Karkat turned his nudge to a shove and a shake- and again, he didn't move.   
“Fuck. Dave!” He called when he heard the bathroom door open.   
“What, dude?”  
“Gamzee won't wake up-”  
“Oh crap..” he sighed and looked down at the practically comatose clown on the futon. The two tried a few more times before giving up on the easy method.  
“Dude, it's 12 and Kankri is gonna be here any minute- I can't have him come in and there be a fuckin comatose clown on the couch.” Dave thought for a moment as Karkat slightly panicked. After a minute, the blond had an idea.   
“Grab his legs-” Dave sat beside Gamzee and took a hold around his chest and under his arms, Karkat grabbing either of his legs. The two awkwardly lugged the tall clown through the hallway and into the bathroom, Dave leading the way. Once they managed to get Gamzee in the tub they turned on the shower, hoping the cold water would shock him awake.  
It didn't take long at all, cold water showering over him and soaking him. The clown gasped in shock, sitting up his head as the world came into focus.   
“Fuckin finally..” Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes. Dave watched Gamzee and recognized a certain look in his eyes that made his own face ache.  
“Uh dude.. something is wrong..” The blond elbowed Karkat lightly to look at Gamzee.  
His stare was vacant and seemed like he was terrified. His whole body was tense, and his knuckles turned white from how hard he gripped the edges of the tub. His entire lanky being just trembled.  
“Gamzee?” Karkat didn't receive a glance, let alone a response. He turned off the water and the clown didn't move even a little.“Gamzee!”  
 _Nononononono-_  
“Gamzee!” Karkat called a final time, his stress worsening as he heard a knock at the front, more than likely being Kankri. “Shit- I’ll go- ah!” Karkat gave a shout as he was suddenly tripped to the floor, Gamzee grabbing his one leg.   
“Dude-!”  
“Please- Please don't tell. I-I’ll be good- I promise I won't act up no more-”   
Karkat and Dave watched in shock, Gamzee lunged over the side of the tub, grabbing Karkat’s leg and suddenly pleading irrelevant thoughts.   
“Gamzee what the hell are you-?”  
“I'll get Kankri..” Dave slowly backed out of the room with a repeat of the knocking, avoiding sudden moves.  
“What is the matter with you?” He huffed and went to stand, pushing Gamzee’s hands gently, causing him to let go without any struggle. “C’mon man, just- gimme your hand.” Karkat said as he stood up again, ready to help Gamzee stand up. To his surprise though, he was left looking at Gamzee below him, holding out two trembling fists with his wrists pressed together.   
“Gamzee..?” He blinked in shock of what he was witnessing- whatever headspace the clown was in was most definitely a nightmare. Without another word, Karkat yanked Gamzee’s outstretched arms to pull him from the tub, landing him in a sopping wet mess on the floor. His breathing was shallow and he didn't dare move. Karkat yanking a towel off the rack and dropping it over Gamzee. He knelt beside the sobbing clown and pat him on the back over and over, assuring Gamzee that he wasn't in danger and he wasn't going to hurt him.   
“Karkat?” The red-eyed teen swung around his head, looking at Kankri and Dave as they stood in the doorway. “What is happening here?”  
“Seriously, dude-” Dave looked at the body, hunched into a ball on the floor, soaking wet and sobbing, his back covered with a towel.  
“Shh-” Karkat hushed them and gestured for them to step out until he had Gamzee back to normal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you draw anything based on the story post it on Instagram or Tumblr with the tag #BathtimeForGamzee! I’d love to see!  
> And if you wanna request anything specific to be drawn by me for the story message me on IG @terminallyClownfuck :oD


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is getting very serious rn and I hate myself but I also don’t so like.. good luck??

“What is going on here?” Kankri turned to Dave once they had left Karkat and Gamzee alone.   
“Well.. Ya know the circus?”  
“Yes..?”  
“Karkat decided to steal a clown-”  
“He what?” Kankri blinked in shock, his arms dropping to his sides. “I'm sorry, but what do you mean by ‘Karkat decided to steal a clown’?”   
“Exactly what it sounds, dude.. He had a feeling something was up with him and he needed a break- to run away for a while. But apparently it's.. worse than we thought..” Dave explained as he rubbed the back of his neck, the two turning and watching as Karkat lead the taller teen out into the main room, his hair and clothes soaked, his paint almost entirely washed away. Karkat walked with an arm around Gamzee, repeatedly patting his shoulder still covered with the towel.  
“Karkat..” The older Vantas spoke in a quieter tone to not startle Gamzee and trigger anything further. The crab didn't respond at first, sitting Gamzee on the futon again before Kankri even got his attention. “Karkat-”  
“Hey.. bro..” he mumbled as he just watched Gamzee sit on the couch, staring off at the floor and hugging onto his own arms.   
“I would like to know what is happening here?” Kankri crossed his arms and watched the crab still stare in shock.  
“Kar..?” He frowned a bit before observing Gamzee. He looked totally drained now, leaving the three to wonder just what it was.   
“The cold water maybe..?” Dave suggested as he sat beside the wet clown.  
“What is going on?” Kankri sighed again, watching Dave and Gamzee and then Karkat.  
“He.. freaked out.. Just flat out became someone new- But why...? Gamzee-?”  
“Wait- you're asking him about what just triggered a full on panic attack?” Kankri looked in almost disbelief.   
“Well what do you suggest I do?”  
“Not that!”  
“But if we don't find out-”  
“Fine! Fine.” Kankri just pressed his fingers to either temple before sitting on the opposite side of Gamzee, Dave having an arm around his shoulders. “Just.. go slow..” For once Kankri was at a loss for words.  
Gamzee continued to stare off at nothing, slowing down his shallow breathing.   
“Gamzee..?” He lifted his head just slightly to see Karkat kneeling on the floor in front of him. “I'm gonna.. ask you some stuff, okay?” He glanced to Kankri to see if he was being slow enough. The older Vantas didn't seem to argue but for once he actually seemed unsure in the situation.  
“Don't freak out, okay? You're safe here, man.” Dave explained, rubbing the clown’s opposite shoulder.   
It took nearly a minute of shivering and looking into Karkat’s eyes before Gamzee gave the smallest nod.  
With the okay is when Karkat started to stall. His mouth was gaping as he couldn't think of where to even begin.

“The tub-” Gamzee broke Karkat’s silence for him. “.. set me off..” he mumbled, the three watching his face.   
“How?” Karkat furrowed his brows.  
“I.. I..” he mumbled as he didn't know what to say.  
“You can pass any question you are not comfortable answering..” Kankri spoke up. Gamzee nodded but seemed to make another effort.  
“Bad shit bein.. done to me.” He stuttered out, unable to flat out say it.  
“By who?”  
“I.. really don't motherfuckin know..”   
“Those- uhm- ‘things’.” Kankri cleared his throat. “Was it, like.. violent..? Explicit?” He hesitated to speak, concerned that he would trigger the boy with one wrong word.  
“Both.. they didn't have one without another..” he mumbled.   
The room went silent again.   
“Is that what.. happened here?” Dave pointed towards Gamzee’s scarred face, receiving a nod in return.   
“Have you told anyone..?” Kankri observed him further, the clown shaking his head in return. “Why not?”  
Gamzee paused again as he stared at a mixture of nothing and kept eye contact with Karkat in front of him.   
“They said to me.. tell anyone and we’ll..” he took a breath. “And we’ll do the same to your brothers.” His breathing became deeper, resulting in the people on either side of him rubbing his back.   
“Relax man.. nobody’s gonna know you're talking.” Karkat shushed Gamzee, putting a hand over his. “Do you remember when this all happened..?”  
“What?”  
“When did this happen to you..?”  
“About..Four..Five years..?”  
“Only five years ago?” Kankri furrowed his brows with a frown.  
“No- I was five years..” The room went dead silent. Well, even more so if that was possible.  
“Gamzee.. I'm.. so sorry that happened..” Karkat rubbed the back his neck before looking up at Gamzee’s down cast stare. “It was a long time ago- they can't hurt yo-”  
“No.” Gamzee stopped Karkat mid sentence. “That’s when it _started_.”  
“When did it stop?” Dave went to look at Gamzee for a second, watching him just shut his eyes and remain quiet. “Gamzee?”  
“It.. didn’t-” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I hate myself and now you see whyyyy~  
> I ain’t stopping tho- just know I’m shit


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s the plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it’s kinda short-

There wasn't any sound.. The three were too busy being in shock while Gamzee just stared at the floor again, feeling a mixture of being at ease with finally letting someone know, and being petrified that his original warning would come back to bite him hard.. or more so bite Kurloz and G.  
Right where it would hurt Gamzee the most.  
“It.. kinda all makes sense now..” Dave lifted his head to look at Karkat, the cancer nodding as his brain tried to take it all in and process it at once.  
“What makes sense?” Kankri raised an eyebrow.  
“His weird-ass behavior..” The blond explained.  
“Never heard the shower cause he was afraid to get in it, never took off his paint cause he's hiding scars-” Karkat recalled several things as he sat knelt on the floor in front of Gamzee.  
“Gamzee..? When you linger outside my room- when me and Karkat are ‘together’.. What’re you doing?” Dave questioned him. He had a feeling to why he did so now, but he wanted to hear it from the clown to confirm it.  
“Listenin’.. to him-” Gamzee gestured towards Karkat. “Cause of all the sounds I hear..”  
“You're making sure none of them are a cry for help..” Karkat finished the statement, it clicking in his head and sticking there like a burn in his skull.. The idea alone that Gamzee would take that precaution left a sick taste in his mouth.  
More silence filled the room, every solution seeming.. well actually- they didn't have a solution. It wasn't a solvable problem as it stood.. it was just something now they all knew.  
“Gamzee..” Dave rubbed his back up and down.  
“I know it won't change anything but we’re all.. really sorry-” Kankri awkwardly twitched his fingers as he was still amazingly at a loss for words.  
“Nah.. it ain't your fault..”  
“The cameras.” The three looked at Karkat when he suddenly spoke after a solid few minutes of silence from the insomniac. “Gamzee, you don't like video cameras-” The clown shook his head. “Why?”  
“I..”  
“Karkat. Do you have to be so.. straightforward?” Kankri huffed.  
“Sorry but just- why? This crap was probably all recorded, right?”  
“Dude-” Dave tried to slow the crab down.  
“No, hear me out. If it's all recorded, then there is video evidence somewhere- We find that and show it to someone then the police or the FBI or whoever the fuck, can find and stop these people, right?” He stood up and looked down at the three.  
“Good- all we gotta do is google ‘underage clown porn’ and we’re all good-” Dave stood up too and crossed his arms. “This isn't something we can just find without getting our own asses in trouble, dude.”  
“I have to agree with Dave on this. You're going to get yourself into some serious legal trouble, Karkat-” Kankri looked between the two beside standing with Dave, the two looking at him with crossed arms.  
“Then what the fuck are we supposed to do?”  
“I think Karkat’s idea might work.” Gamzee looked up at the three before standing on his own.  
“But-”  
“Listen- I'm the one in those videos, and it can be proven it's me- for a whole lotta reasons.. but the police should understand if I'm with y'all, right?” Gamzee looked over them, Dave and Kankri at a standstill with arguments.  
“Look- in order to keep our asses safe, we just gotta talk to someone who can get through all kinds of barriers and shit without getting caught..” Karkat looked at them. “Sollux-”  
“We can't just drag him into this-”  
“If anyone can find anything on the internet without getting even detected, it’s Sollux. It's our only chance. Unless you wanna google underage clown porn with me-” he crossed his arms and looked at Dave.  
“Uhm- Can you two perhaps refrain from the the triggering terminology?” Kankri put his hands on his hips, reminding them of the situation and how it revolved around the 6 foot 2 clown standing in the middle of the room.  
“Sorry Gamzee..” The two apologized and awkwardly went silent after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pst- my tumblr is TheGFig- go bother me about this story and I’ll answer any questions and maybe even draw stuff soon for it- :oD

**Author's Note:**

> Comment anything you want! Comments make me happy and encourage me to write more!!  
> Tell me ur favorite part or what you think is gonna happen or- literally anything!! :oD


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